Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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