I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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