Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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