You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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