They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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