I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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