smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
