his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
