oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
