"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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