I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize