The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
