I'm passing your future prison.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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