Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
