bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
