Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
4 words: hood of his car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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