i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
