Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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