yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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