I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
