dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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