when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
