Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
