She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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