i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
