He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
3pm strippers are depressing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
