I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
