i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
