Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
