One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am midnight drunk by noon
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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