and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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