He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My life is pants optional.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
