i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
