THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
