I think im going to throw up on grandma
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
