im holly from the hills drunk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
