I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
