Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
