She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
