I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
