Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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