Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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