I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
