I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize