Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
