So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
