he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
