We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
