My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
