That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
