We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
