Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
