Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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