please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
