I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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