I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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