He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
