She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
