her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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