She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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