she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
