Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
