he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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