Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
