Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
