I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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