so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
