I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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