im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
