matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
