Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
