do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
