I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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