Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
