david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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