He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
