My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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