I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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