i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need moral support for this bender
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
