i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
