its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
