So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I love you.
Bad choice
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