Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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