she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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