Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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