I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
